I love infomercials for several reasons:
1. Crazy people can talk about weird products for a LONG time
2. There's always a big "reveal" at the end, like in the hit blockbuster "The Prestige." This reveal is usually 36 extra parts and accessories, or an insulated carrying case
3. I rarely get to be screamed at by people hyped up on red bull and battery acid, so it's a nice change of pace
4. I can sympathize with Hoarders because the presentation and showmanship is hypnotizing
5. The item for sale is something totally unnecessary that never occurs in nature - UNTIL NOW

Apparently that psycho that fathered Balloon Boy and captured the nation's attention and collective annoyance has a new product, THE BEAR SCRATCH. Beloved OxyClean spokesman and should've-been pro-wrestler Billy Mays (R.I.P.) has inspired whack-job Richard Heene's new infomerical for his genius invention, that's really nothing more than a stick nailed to the wall. FINALLY! I'm calling NOW.

In the meantime while you wait for the special stick to arrive in the mail, you can put up a wooden pole on a corner wall in your home, and just like our ancestors - BEARS - we have instincts to rub up against something with our backs in order to awaken from hibernation and gain energy to go out looking for berries.

And you'll recognize one of the child actors in there also, the famous BALLOON BOY! Now with longer hair and a personality disorder, no doubt a genetic one.

This is seriously weird. Everyone likes a good scratch on the back or a deep tissue massage, and if you have that hard-to-shop-for lumberjack in the family, or a pet grizzly, this could make a great gift for them!